J.D. Mullane has a great template for commentary. It’s simple, good for laughs, and creates the
illusion of expertise without requiring too much annoying research. It even has the added benefit of allowing you
to stick to your beliefs irrespective of facts.
It’s really a great thing … for the commentator. If you want to see how it works, all you have
to do is take a look at Mullane’s piece on light bulbs in yesterday’s Bucks
County Courier (Article Link).
First of all, the most important ingredient in any J.D. Mullane piece
is mockery. He almost always sets
someone up to bear the brunt of his satirical approach. His victim in Tuesday’s piece was some poor
young man working to raise awareness for an environmental organization. His crime, aside from talking with J.D.
Mullane, was pronouncing Earth as “Erf.”
That created the thread that tied the whole piece together. He ended with a call for “greenies” to
redistribute wealth and to do it “for Mother Erf.” Very funny.
Second, you need to fill the piece with numbers. None of these numbers need provide any actual
support for your argument. That would be
too much work, and besides it’s not necessary.
For example, you can ridicule the legislated change in light bulbs
simply by mentioning the high cost of a particular type of light bulb, without
getting into the issue of long term savings (which you can dismiss by saying
your old) or the prices of the wide range of alternatives. Those facts would weaken the argument, so why
mention them. The goal, after all, is making
your viewpoint seem to be the most logical one.
Third, since it is possible that folks might see through the barrage of
data or be turned off by your nastiness, you need to make sure your piece is
filled with plenty of bogeymen. It is
always a good idea to supplement unrelated or incomplete facts with appeals to
fear and anger. Mullane is a master at
this. His favorite bogeyman of late is
President Obama. Mullane admits that the
legislation he is opposed to came from the George W. Bush, but he still manages
to precede that admission with this gem: “even when we buy light bulbs, hope ‘n’
change gets us tangled in paperwork.”
Nothing scares folks more, and/or gets them angrier than everyone’s
favorite foreign born, Muslim, socialist, dog eating President. So, even if he has nothing to do with the
issue at hand, it’s probable that he wishes he did and that ought to be
enough. People hate him too much … that
just has to get taken advantage of. The
same is true of big government. No one really
knows what it is, but everybody hates it.
Mullane knows it, and takes advantage of it. This mess is the work of that big government guru
George W. Bush. Mullane is so good that
he even works in redistribution, although I have to admit that I’m not sure
how. Hat’s off to him though … I mean it’s
not everyone that could make light bulbs be about Obama, Big Government, AND
Redistribution. It’s too bad he didn’t
see the state sponsored religious discrimination or the influence of Maoism.
J. D. Mullane is a talented writer.
That much can’t be denied.
Unfortunately, he’s either incapable or uninterested in the application
of logic. He prefers to make use of
fallacies … personal attacks, appeals to fear, slippery slopes, etc. I suppose, however, I can’t blame him. He has a template that works. Why wouldn’t he use it?
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